Movie Reviews

Joel Dale – The “Fifty Shades of Grey” Edition

by Joel Dale | Apr 3, 2015 | 0 comments

I have seen Fifty Shades of Grey. There were forces in my life which drove me to this decision. A former editor of good ole SonyRumors requested on Twitter that I do a piece entitled “Why You Should Not See ‘Fifty Shades of Grey.'”An intriguing idea for comedy but ultimately putting the cart before the horse because I should not claim an opinion of a film I had not seen. As a statement to understand that I too have biases, let’s be clear: I had no desire to see this film. I never watched/read/partook in any way/shape/form of the Twilight series. And this whilst living mere minutes from Forks, Washington and the rainy areas where the books take place. So fan fiction based on the Twilight series is even less likely to get my attention. The onslaught of mentions the Fifty Shades books received made me twist an eye to the phenom that is pop culture and almost not like it for that reason alone.

Should You See “Kingsman: The Secret Service?”

by Joel Dale | Feb 16, 2015 | 3 comments

The theater was pretty well packed as G.I. Joe and I had to wait in line to see Kingsman: The Secret Service. Based on the previews I was expecting a rollicking, crazy time of action and adventure. And boy does it deliver.

Secret Agent Harry Hart (aka Galahad) owes his life to the father of street youth “Eggsy” – a remarkably clean, movie-ticket-sellingly attractive, and well-washed boy who lives in squalor with his mother and her abusive boyfriend. (Apparently no one else in the house uses the shower.) When Eggsy gets bailed out of prison by Harry, so begins his journey into the ultra secret service of the Kingsman. ~~A group so clandestine, I’m not allowed to finish this senten….~~. Eggsy sees a way out of his current life and accepts the offer to join this group of incredibly talented spies via a deadly recruitment process that whittles 9 recruits down to just one with increasingly dangerous missions that kill off the weak.

Should You See ‘Taken 3’? (a.k.a. The best part is the rhyme I just made.)

by Joel Dale | Jan 19, 2015 | 5 comments

A few minutes after Liam Neeson goes on his hunt for the bad guys in Taken 3, I realized that nobody had been taken. The first film had Liam’s daughter get “taken” and in Taken 2 it was his wife. And in those films Liam exposes people to his special set of skills and saves his family despite all the protestations from the bad guys who claim there are no “take-backsies.”

Yes, I know that by this point we get the story of who he is and it doesn’t always need to be about people being kidnapped but the movie is called TAKEN! It’s like watching Murder She Wrote and not having there be a murder (a murder mystery tv show from the 80’s for our younger readers). But after my viewing with friend Doug, I think we can both agree the people who got taken is the audience.

Should You See “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1?”

by Joel Dale | Dec 16, 2014 | 0 comments

So I disappeared for a while from writing movie reviews because I was busy writing and producing a web series. I was putting in sixteen hour days on set writing on the fly, helping direct scenes, and various odd jobs that needed done. The process was incredible with a huge team of awesome people working as hard as any crew could work with only the best of attitudes. And in the end, despite all the incredible effort, I won’t be totally sure of how people will react until it goes public.

What is completely sure is how much work and time and effort went into even a small film shoot like that. So when I watch a film like The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1, I can’t even understand how it’s even possible. These things are herculean efforts of unreal complexity. The sheer enormity of just things like managing all the people involved is unfathomable. You add up a huge cast, massive sets, CGI of gigantic proportion, huge sound design, lighting, etc…. And to have it be as enjoyable and interesting as Mockingjay 1 is pretty incredible.

Don’t Hide From ‘The Boxtrolls?’

by Joel Dale | Oct 22, 2014 | 0 comments

I wasn’t sure how much I wanted to see The Boxtrolls. I am not familiar with the story it is based on (Here Be Monsters!), but I was definitely intrigued by the animation quality and the inventive characters. And on that front it delivers big time. Where it fails is the marketing and a little bit of its metaphorical choices.

Super cute... but turn that frown upside down and whoa.

Super cute… but turn that frown upside down and whoa.

My hesitation in going was that the trailer shows these incredibly cute, industrious, if still somewhat scary looking creatures called the Boxtrolls being hunted down by some ugly villain with a kill everything kind of zeal. And I was put off with yet another animated story, ostensibly for kids, that involves nothing less than the end of life for an entire species. It seemed loud, brash, and kind of tired for a storyline. The reality wasn’t very far from my predictions. The Boxtrolls themselves are nicely inventive, with an underground home and lifestyle which they fill with the random articles they steal from the upper world each night to build strange and harmless machinery that makes their living situation fun and comfortable. They are shy tinkerers at heart wearing boxes that act as camouflage at the first sign of danger. But being they look like… well… trolls, the upper world finds them repulsive and has trumped up stories of the man-eating, blood thirsty nature of the trolls. The legend was fueled further by the fact that the trolls took a human child years ago and raised it as their own.

Should You See ‘The November Man?’

by Joel Dale | Sep 8, 2014 | 0 comments

I wonder if Pierce Brosnan had to read the script fourteen times before deciding to make The November Man. Because it’s kind of convoluted. Brosnan plays Devereaux, a top notch CIA agent that quits the business after his protege’, Mason, screws up a mission. He gets brought back in by best friend and ex-boss, Hanley, to protect his current CIA lover who has secrets on a Russian politician. That’s two sentences and already I’ve mentioned five characters. But not all is as it seems. It’s a spy movie… of course not all is as it seems. We obviously have to have Devereaux pitted against protege Mason in a duel. Cause you know, student vs. teacher. But it doesn’t stop there. Of course not. This is a modern spy movie.

Watch ‘Good Morning Vietnam’ soldier!

by Joel Dale | Aug 16, 2014 | 1 comment

For the consistent readers of my reviews, you have probably figured out it is my style to put a little bit of my personal life in each.

In the wake of Robin Williams’s death, I drew parallels to a friend of mine who took his own life in similar fashion. Robin Williams was a comedian, an improvisor of great distinction, and oscar winning actor. My friend was a comedian of his own crazy genius and a great improvisor as well. And I have been doing comedy, improv and otherwise for 17 years. That’s how I landed this gig writing reviews even.

So the parallels, while nowhere comparable in terms of scale and reach, reverberated with me and really with the whole comedy community in Seattle, so it’s time to go back and watch something great from the past.

Should You See ‘Guardians of the Galaxy?’

by Joel Dale | Aug 4, 2014 | 3 comments

My computer was in my backpack while I was at Pritzger Pavilion in Chicago watching This Is Spinal Tap when a thunderstorm came along. Bye bye laptop. Bye bye early chance to write my review. I was very much down in the dumps and told my woes to the various friends in my group as we waited in line for Guardians of the Galaxy. Lucky for me I was about to be treated to an awe-inspiring good time at the movies. Later to be followed up by a lucky find on Craigslist which allowed me to come into possession of a used Korean MacBook relatively cheaply so that I can be here writing this now. Even if it did mean I was secretly followed by the kid’s father while we made our transaction. I’m not sure he understands spying very well.

Let me tell you, I’m in a good mood. I’ve been down on the Marvel movies as of late. The first Iron Man and X2: X-men United are amazing. The Avengers, the Thors, the Captain Americas, the Wolverines are at best fun and at worst pretty bad. The Fantastic Fours and the two sets of Spider-Man… holy cats Marvel is a busy company.

Raiders of the Lost Orb

Raiders of the Lost Orb

The ship has been righted. Guardians of the Galaxy is a wildly entertaining, modern, off-kilter, touching, funny, and rousing space epic of a super hero film. While the über comic fans of the world are already familiar, for the rest of us it’s refreshing to see a super hero film of completely unfamiliar friends and foes, including a talking raccoon and a walking tree man who only ever says “I am Groot.”

Should You See ‘Snowpiercer’ This Weekend?

by Joel Dale | Jul 25, 2014 | 9 comments

I kept feeling like I was watching Brazil meets Under Siege 2: Dark Territory as I viewed Snowpiercer. That is certainly an upgrade for the Under Siege 2 appreciation society. Staring at the marquee to the theater I decided I would take a chance on this film which I knew nothing about. It was pride weekend in Seattle and nothing says gay pride more than sitting in a theater by yourself, about to watch a movie about a futuristic society that destroyed the environment and whose only survivors live on a fast paced train, traveling the world in a giant loop.

I sat in my chair and listened to a couple of nerds discuss the powerful abilities of some card in their Magic deck. “OOOH Man! This is just ridiculous. I’m going to have to keep this one.”

It was a strange weekend.

Based on French graphic novel Le Transperceneige, the film Snowpiercer is wildly entertaining stuff if you can get past the idea that everyone on the planet died except the people on this train, which is kind of ridiculous. But this movie isn’t playing subtle so accept that and you will be treated to a thought provoking, fun time. I was especially impressed by how writer/director Joon-ho Bong payed attention to the details. He answers most of the obvious questions. How does this train continue despite limited resources? What about population growth? Why does it travel so fast? Why do the have nots put up with the haves?

Should You See ‘Dawn of the Planet of the Apes’ This Weekend?

by Joel Dale | Jul 20, 2014 | 0 comments

I was not a fan of Rise of the Planet of the Apes. I thought the movie was fairly silly but had this pretty cool ending credit sequence that made me think the graphic designers were smarter than the writers. So going into this sequel I wasn’t sure how I felt. My friend Big C informed me that he had watched the previous film that day in preparation. I think the idea of preparing to see Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is giving the franchise too much credit.

Whereas the first film was full of irrationally mean or dumb humans with dialogue straight out of a 9th grade morality play, the sequel decides to play smart and stay smart.

Should You See ‘Earth To Echo’ This Weekend?

by Joel Dale | Jul 18, 2014 | 0 comments

Earth To Echo is aimed squarely at the young. I’m not sure if it’s a good sign that after seeing it with friends, one of them proclaimed that Spielberg’s all enduring classic E.T. is actually pretty terrible and only our memories of youth raise it up in esteem. So were we really comparing E.T. to E.T.E.? Our collective experience seeing Echo drew us into a discussion of really good movies that stand the test of time and whether or not youth fantasy films ever hit the level of true classic. Well, even though the stinger following the credits could set up a sequel, I doubt we will ever see E.T.E.T. (E.T.E. Two)

In the typical youth story fashion, Earth To Echo. tells the tale of three childhood friends (Tuck, Alex, and “Munch”) that go on an adventure when they realize the localized cell phone disturbance at Tuck’s house is from something bigger out in the desert. Munch is the movie’s nerd/geek/socially misadjusted kid that gets a terrible nickname because all movies about childhood nickname a kid something somewhat insulting even though I don’t personally remember nicknaming my friends that way. I think the explanation went like this: “my friends call me Munch. I don’t know why.” At least the writers admit it.

Should You See ‘How to Train Your Dragon 2’ This Weekend?

by Joel Dale | Jun 20, 2014 | 2 comments

Don’t listen to me. Don’t pay attention to my opinions. I have nothing important to say.

My friend Yo Kid K closely followed such advice when we were discussing How To Train Your Dragon 2. When I informed him that I felt it moved too fast and crammed too much stuff in, he told me it was well paced and very little really goes on.

In his mind, exploring the vast outreaches of your world, that leads to finding a new set or fortresses in land no one ever goes to, that leads to discovering a long lost family member and having a reunion, that leads to all out city destroying war with as yet to be introduced villain, that leads to a funeral, it’s not putting in too much for 102 minutes (including the credits).

Red Rover Red Rover send plot stuff right over.

Red Rover Red Rover send plot stuff right over.

Me: “The dialog gets really schmaltzy, talking down to us.”
K: “It’s a kids movie.”

Me: “It’s really loud and goes really fast.”
K: “It’s a kids movie.”

Me: “I didn’t feel any emotional connection.”
K: “I can’t believe you didn’t see the first one.”

Me: “My favorite kids movie and one of my favorite films is Babe.”
K: “Oh my god. I shut that off, it was boring.”

K: “Do you like any of the super hero movies?” (K is a big fan of Marvel)
M: “One of my favorite super hero movies and it’s just a flat out great film, is Watchmen.”
K: “Oh my god. No, it’s horrible.”
M: “I actually really li…”
K: “It’s horrible.”
M: “No, I think tha….”
K: “Terrible film.”
M: “But when I…”
K: “Bad.”
M: “Did you read the comic?”
K: “Yes.”
M: “I actually liked it better than the com…”
K: “What, it’s horrible. It’s terrible. It’s bad. No.”

Should You See ‘X-Men: Days of Future Past?’

by Joel Dale | Jun 3, 2014 | 5 comments

Being that it was opening weekend for X-Men: Days of Future Past, you can imagine it was pretty packed. I was annoyed by the fact that the parking garage was completely full and had to drive blocks away and walk back. Staring at a theater, dotted with open seats, I walk up to someone and ask if any of the three seats surrounding him are free. He tells me no, they are all taken. The movie is about to start so I look at at the rest of the crowd, stand up straight and yell “Where is there a single open seat? I’m not going to ask everyone individually!” This is my super power. I am so direct that people feel uncomfortable enough to give me what I need.

A nice lady points next to her. I walk over, sit down, and she says “Well done. That’s how to do it.” I meet her son and she offers me a chocolate chip cookie. She’s definitely a mom. Sensing my bad mood she offers me comfort food.

Should You See ‘Godzilla?’

by Joel Dale | May 25, 2014 | 2 comments

I’ll admit that I really did not have much desire to see Godzilla. Big budget movies featuring monsters beating each other up are not really motivating to me. There isn’t usually much of a story that I care about other than the trite and usually force-fed ‘guy loses love of life’ story line in which he must find redemption by pouring his heart into killing off the monsters that took her away. Maybe one day they’ll slay a real life monster and have the love of their life be the same gender or something. But until then, robots beat each other up. Monsters fire lasers. Dinosaurs romp crazily. But when I received a text message from GI Joe which simply said “Gojira,” I knew I was going.

My friend from Montana, Mr. Boring/Panic, had just arrived in the city for a museum conference. I passed the idea on knowing he’ll have to unexpectedly negotiate the bussing system diagonally through the city to get to Seattle’s famous Cinerama. When he excitedly said “yes” the night was set.

GodzillaFight

How I feel about monster movies.

It was his first time seeing a 3-D movie and amongst the hyper fans ready to see a constant battle of childhood, world famous titans, his energy was pumped. I was now more of the open-minded/let’s-hopefully-have-some-fun crowd.

And you know what? I did.

Should You See ‘Mom’s Night Out?’

by Joel Dale | May 21, 2014 | 1 comment

So my last review was for The Raid 2, a film in which a deaf woman kills a squad of bodyguards on a train with a couple of hammers. So it makes sense that my follow up review would be for a movie about mothers going out to dinner. And not just any dinner. Fancy dinner. That’s equivalent, right?

Mom’s Night Out is a madcap romp in the vein of Adventures in Babysitting. Fed up with the insanity of raising children and never getting time to themselves, three mothers leave the joys of parenting up to the Dads and set out on a night just for the girls. What happens next is a series of hijinks and mishaps involving a tattoo parlor full of criminals and idiots, a biker gang, a lost child, a car chase, rude waiters, and basically any minor contrivance to make the night of these three mothers not go as planned.